Best Gawker Gift Guide Replies

"joemcm" (JoeMcMullen) 12/12/2013 at 11:24 • Filed to: Best Of

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Considering the amount of golden material Opponauts/Jalops posted on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , I thought I'd compile a list of my favorite replies. I'll keep it to a concise top ten, in no particular order with a couple exceptions.

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10. Jalopnik author !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! post takes the cake, hands down. Racking up an unheard of number of stars, his short, sweet message was made all the more satisfying coming from his place of authority in the community. A true master of words.

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9. Leave it to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to bring the titties out. I like tits, so this makes the top ten.

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8. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! perfectly describes the Jalop life in his post. The manual diesel wagon that was supposed to be included got Kinja'd, oh how ironic Gawker. Well done.

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7. I think if I got what !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! posted for Christmas, I'd be happy. Fuck a fireplace, I'd rather have a mundane symbol of environmentalism burning in my driveway!

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6. Nothing like some ol fashioned senseless trolling to combat... well, senseless trolling. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! hits the nail on the head with the hotdog troll (linked post only one of the 1000 frank posts by Übel).

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5. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! can be heard loud and clear from the greyed-out abyss with the first .gif I've actually saved and some three-pedal advocacy. My kind of post.

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4. Leave it to a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to be loud as fuck and come in with the most blunt and obnoxious post of them all, with German cars to boot! I love it.

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3. You know, at the end of the day, that poor sonofabitch J.K. has a point. Cars are awful for the environment, there's no denying it. But do we give a fuck? HELL NO! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! lets those pussy hippies know we don't with his clever recommendation of a Sawzall. Smoke for everyone!

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2. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! brings out one of Oppo's favorite ladies, Mila Kunis to help support the cause. I'd be the Smokey to her Bandit annnny day.

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1. In light of all this, us Jalops must remember the answer is always Miata. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! bring our beloved recurring joke to the hell-hole of that article, and let the world know, we don't want your hippie bull shit, we just want Miatas.

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Somehow, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , in which I tried to include photos of the things most hated by bus-riding, hookah-chiefing, scarf-wearing, Al Gore-loving hippies arose from the grey into the glorious white section. I'm stoked. Nothing like clicking on a Gawker article to find Rick Perry with a gun, Chick-fil-a, bro trucks and a no recycling symbol.

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Disclaimer: My post from Gawker I linked touches on some pretty inflammatory issues and I wanted to prevent any sort of political throwdown on Oppo (especially in light of our friendly "get to know you" session last night). I have political and social opinions, just like everyone else, but absolutely HATE discussing them because the only thing political talks are good for is getting everyone pissed at each other. My post on that thread was made for the sole purpose of saying "fuck you!" to those car-hating shitheads over there. It's extra shitty they played us like that because I was actually pretty amped for a solid list of car-related stuff I could buy. I know most of you probably realized that right away, but I wanted to be sure to include this disclaimer so anybody with a strong opinion on any of those issues who's tempted to chime in is strongly discouraged from doing so. If anything political shows up in the comments, expect immediate dismissal.

BiigMe > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 11:41

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I think we won that article.

Ilike_cougars > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 11:52

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f86sabre > Ilike_cougars 12/12/2013 at 11:56

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They obviously didn't understand the Jalopnik readership. What they didn't count on was hidden core of the place. The hardcore, true believers. They didn't count on Oppo.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:00

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Good recap of the craziness!

Fuck them, I'm so glad I don't live anywhere near NYC anymore. My point is that it would be impossible for me to take public transport to work. let alone to the daycare and then to work.

fuck them

joemcm > f86sabre 12/12/2013 at 12:13

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Warning: Bad Pun Incoming

You know, one could say we applied some Opposite Lock to their points.

Victorious Secret > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:17

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They got exactly what they wanted out of it, excessive amounts of ad revenue for free.

joemcm > Victorious Secret 12/12/2013 at 12:19

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So a win-win then. They got money, we were entertained.

Walfisch > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:19

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Hmm kinja is acting up for me, none of the comments would show in that link. And here I was, hoping to be entertained today. Ah well! ^.^

joemcm > Walfisch 12/12/2013 at 12:21

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well fack, that's shitty. works fine for me.

bradledy > Victorious Secret 12/12/2013 at 12:21

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Hmm pretty good way to solidify your reader base huh?

Ilike_cougars > f86sabre 12/12/2013 at 12:22

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He had it coming, effin hipster! you don't go around poking a hornets nest and come out of it unscathed.

Walfisch > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:23

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Yeah, it's all kinja and stuff. And the worst part? In my desire to be entertained, I end up re-clicking that article over and over again. This is worse than click-bait headlines, for sure. >.>

Victorious Secret > bradledy 12/12/2013 at 12:23

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Either way that article didn't change anyones perception of Gawker. A bunch of professional trolls.

If they wanted to open up their readerbase and make things less nutty, that wasn't the article to do it in.

joemcm > Walfisch 12/12/2013 at 12:27

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I really could give a shit about the click-bait aspect of this honestly. It's entertaining whether Gawker gets paid for it or not. Jalopnik is a part of the same company, so maybe they get some of the funds? Who knows. Either way, Amazon's loss, because not once during all of that did I go to Amazon or think of buying anything.

bradledy > Victorious Secret 12/12/2013 at 12:43

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haha so true. got served by the jaloponauts though

Walfisch > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:45

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Comments finally loaded for me. And Patrick George's post really took the cake, literally made me laugh. I do like 190e30's reply as well, so appropriate to what a true Jalopnik really is all about.

I'm almost tempted to click on the Jez's version of that post, but my overwhelming loathing for that site keeps me in check.

joemcm > Walfisch 12/12/2013 at 12:51

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Someone mentioned putting a dildo on there in the comments for the Jalopnik one...

You know how the saying goes, you shit on us, we shit on everyone!

... or something like that.

Walfisch > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 12:57

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I'll be honest, I did not really want to click on that particular article, on account of me swearing off Gawker in general (something to do with posting a headline picture of Treyvon Martin's corpse in the scene of the crime, without even putting up some kind of warning, at the day of the Zimmerman deliberation). But that post by Patrick George enticed me enough to click on it, at least just for today. And I'm glad I did.

As for Jez, they'd probably like a kitchen chopper and a cutting board as the ideal gift.

For the castrations.

joemcm > Walfisch 12/12/2013 at 12:59

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No, no, no Walfisch, you have it all wrong! FOR THE SANDWICHES!

Walfisch > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 13:00

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Maybe both?

joemcm > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 13:06

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This J.K. Not Rowling fellow is in our midst. I had an encounter. All I have to say is

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/you-were-greye…

I'm now done with all this shit. This hipster blogger got what we wanted in the form of our clicks, and we got what we wanted: validation that we are the best, most passionate, and last but not least, most fucking vulgar community on the interwebs and are not to be fucked with.

911e46z06 > BiigMe 12/12/2013 at 15:54

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Taught them a lesson they shall not soon forget

leicester > joemcm 12/12/2013 at 19:30

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God, I avoided that thread like the plague (or a Jezebel link, same thing).

Trotter made one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - and that is, to belittle another person's passion.

I've got my passions, and I have many friends who have passions that I don't share. But watch someone talk about their passion, watch them become animated, their eyes light up, listen to them go on about some obscure bit of minutia or trivia of their sport, hobby, or collection that only they can get excited about. And oftentimes it's a passion because it ISN'T practical, or PC, or in some other way "productive." You don't jump on them because your worldview doesn't quite mesh with yours. You revel in their energy, and reflect on what gives you a similar energy.

And if you don't have something positive or active or creative that gives you that same energy, well then, perhaps its time to find something...